Sunday Confessions: 6-7-26

"I ate an entire large circle Brie cheese by myself this weekend."

Welcome to Sunday Confessions. Each Sunday through Sunday Scaries Instagram stories, readers submit their totally-anonymous confessions. Because sometimes it just feels good to get off your chest.

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Had one of those “wake up in a cold sweat at 4:30 a.m.” mornings where I never went back to sleep today. In the words of John Prine, it’s going to be a long Monday.

Here are all of this week’s confessions.

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I like the smell of my belly button.

I don’t see the point in sharing personal information with my Lyft drivers so whenever I’m asked I lie and make up a fake story about myself.

reconnected with my university crush from 10 years ago and realised we were both crushing on each other. feels nice, but it also makes you wonder.

I keep a calendar to track the days my husband and I have sex or when I give him a BJ to demonstrate that the frequency is above average.

Had a sex dream last night about my high school bully.

I gave up Masters tickets 9 years ago because of work. I am afraid that was my only chance.

After my ex ghosted me, I somehow slept with both of her older sisters. I keep waiting for the day I wake up and feel bad about it but it never comes. I’m going to hell.

I know my husband is going to age into a Paul Giamatti, and I am so turned on by that.

I use my expensive perfume as bathroom spray.

I’ve become emotionally invested in a woman rowing solo from California to Hawaii. I check on YouRowKelsey updates more than my own text messages. Every day I’m convinced she’s either running out of water or food, getting swallowed by a whale, or hit by a cargo ship. She seems fine. I’m the one spiraling.

I peed in the shower at the gym yesterday and I still feel bad about it.

A year ago I left a life I loved to move back to my hometown to be closer to family and make more money. While I love my family, I think I loved my old life away from them more.

I am a straight guy. I sometimes wear man thongs. I wish more women found them attractive.

The only reason I hike is so I can drink beer after.

I asked a guy I’ve never met in person to be my date to my friend’s wedding… as our first date.

For the first time in my life after several decades on this earth, I understand the term ‘lovesick.’

At this point in my life, a grilled cheese does more for me than a man.

I forgot to put on underwear then froze up when my dermatologist told me to strip to my underwear for an exam.

Hired a witch, did a spell and still got rejected after two final round interviews.

I’m a 38 year old woman and I’m clueless about makeup. I have no idea what beauty products to buy or how to put any of it on. My “day look” is throwing on some foundation and mascara and calling it good.

I missed my husband when he was away for work. But I also loved how quiet and clean the house was and that every word that came and out of my mouth didn’t require an explanation.

If any of my coworkers ever leave food or drinks in the break-room fridge for too long I either (1) throw it in the trash or pour it out if it’s gone bad / expired, or (2) eat or drink it if it’s still unopened and hasn’t gone bad or take it home.

I checked my temperature with a meat thermometer.

I just now bothered to change my microwave clock to the correct time. Was an hour off since daylight savings.

I don’t think I really like any of my friends. I really think they were just supposed to be my early 20s party pals.

Took a red eye flight and out of sheer exhaustion, I stumbled and peed all over my linen pants in the airplane bathroom.

Went to play tennis on a first date. The way he dropped the ball to underhand serve gave me the ick.

Had a threesome on vacation. It was awful.

I met a “friend” for lunch on Friday. Never made it back to work. Got a little tipsy and had a make out session instead.

I look forward to houseflies in the summertime. I enjoy feeling them crawl on my back as I lie in bed.

I drove for 3 hours for a first date with someone I met online.

I wish more restaurants offered kid size portions, not because I have kids, but because I’m an Ozempic queen.

I think it makes me feel like a better human that I still say please and thank you when I’m talking to ChatGPT.

I’m so tired of being my friends’ second choice. I want to move to a foreign country and become a hermit.

Off Campus has made me realize that all my friends are boring. Absolutely no one I know would do karaoke or go to drunk Shakespeare and it’s absolutely depressing me.

I’m getting married and I don’t want to change my last name.

I’m so high I am just sat frozen watching Hey Arnold in Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish. I don’t know how I even got it on my television.

Pretending to be into a guy just so I can get World Cup tickets.

I’m fighting for my life right now at omakase. I started the Wegovy pill and my boyfriend doesn’t know.

It enrages me that my husband has perfect skin. He uses Chapstick as moisturizer. CHAPSTICK.

Got drunk last night, double texted him, he still hasn’t responded.

I’ve found that stopping for a drink on my way to the grocery store makes shopping far less terrible.

I ate an entire large circle Brie cheese by myself this weekend.

My boyfriend deleted me from his LinkedIn.

I only ran a half marathon because I thought it’d be hot to my ex. Turns out he doesn’t even like women anymore. So I ran for nothing.

Purposely got sunburned yesterday just so I could feel something again.

I started working out to just to hint to my partner that he should work out too but now I’m obsessed with being hot and he still isn’t working out.

Breakup so bad I went to church for the first time in 8 years.

Went on a date yesterday. Pretty sure his frequent bathroom trips were to go do bumps.

I’m still thinking about the compliment on my outfit I got from a worker in a LA boutique…two months ago.

I think I like my online friends more than my IRL friends.

My friend has been so mean to me and such a horrible friend since I got married and had kids I secretly love that her boyfriend hasn’t proposed yet and that she’s dying for it to happen.

I smell the crotch of my dirty underwear every time I take them off at the end of the day before I put them in the hamper.

Secretly working on a novel based on true relationship-related events that I’ve experienced.

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