Sunday Confessions: 5-4-25

"I floss regularly, but I brush my teeth maybe 10 times a year."

Welcome to Sunday Confessions. Each Sunday through Sunday Scaries Instagram stories, readers submit their totally-anonymous confessions. Because sometime it just feels good to get off your chest.

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“I’m probably not going to drink until we go to Las Vegas next weekend.” And then, if you fast forward about three hours, I poured exactly one Pacifico just to pass some time on a Sunday evening. And it tasted phenomenal.

Here are the rest of this week’s confessions.

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I would have sniffed Walton Goggins’s Speedo, too.

My ex-best friends went on a joint bachelorette trip together. And I got great satisfaction at the two of them looking MISERABLE in every single picture in the photo dump.

I’m moving to a different state in a month and don’t think my friends or family will miss me or notice I’m gone.

girlfriend did one of these DNA tests and became obsessed with the results. she’s forcing everyone in her family to do them as well and spent the whole weekend researching on facebook. i genuinely don’t want to hear anything about it again, ever.

I want to do a boudoir photo shoot, but I know I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut. I’d post them on social media accounts my grandpa follows. I’d bring that shit out at client meetings. I’d make a slide deck for thanksgiving dinner.

I'm on a cruise for my honeymoon and I know there are multiple orgy parties going on after hours.

Woke up from a wet dream primed, but instead of coming I peed the bed.

I got stoned, passed out on the couch, and accidentally left my candles burning overnight. At least my house smelled good and was still standing when I woke up.

All my problems could be solved by a million dollars and regular orgasms.

When I work from home I always take a nap in between meetings.

My husband doesn’t want us to know the sex of our baby, he doesn’t know I know.

Sometimes I throw out my husbands clothes if I don’t like it. Whenever we go out, he asks me what he should wear. If he’s pissing me off, I’ll tell him to wear a shirt that I know I threw away. He will go crazy looking for it. It makes me so happy.

I got dumped this weekend....by his MOM.

The way he kissed me in the driveway before he left the other night made me want to drag him back to my bed.

I watched an ant crawl on my husband’s croissant and said nothing. He then ate the croissant and the ant. I still said nothing.

I was a personality hire.

“I love how you don’t drink and still have fun when you go out!” Thanks, I’m on mushrooms right now.

About to graduate from law school and take the bar exam. Don’t really want to be a lawyer.

The Karen Read trial is my entire personality rn.

I don’t wash my fruits and vegetables before consuming.

I don’t like my closest friend group as much as all my other peripheral ones.

I have a burst of pleasure everything I use a credit card machine with an attached pen. Pens are ALWAYS attached on the left side. It's one of the only blatantly left handed things that the general public uses. I like knowing that righties are forced into this awkwardness.

I confessed a few months ago that I wanted to start writing smut. Currently sitting doing final edits on my first short story, gonna publish it tonight.

Editor’s Note: You *have* to link us based on the sheer amount of smut novel submissions alone.

Went through his phone and found two possible dates of engagement. I’m scared I won’t be surprised.

I take gummies before the gym. And most days. It’s actually every day.

Friday was my last day at a major hotel brand in SF, but over the last few month I stole forks from the on property restaurant. They’re sleek and very well balanced. I love them!

Found my first white hair and absolutely spiraled.

I lie to my husband about liking his art.

Almost positive I caught my friend using ChatGPT to communicate with me during a conflict. The dashes always give it away!

I’m so annoyed/stressed/anxious my friends are getting married abroad this summer and it’s costing me so much money I don’t have. I know I don’t have to go but I want to be a supportive friend.

I’d rather run the dishwasher twice than scrub my dishes before I put them in.

You left an imprint on my heart and saved me at my darkest and most alone time. I’m forever thankful for you.

Started seeing a high level athlete. Trying to keep it on the “DL” but I have to admit if I see her on TV, I giggle and blush a little in the comfort of my own home.

I learned this weekend that gym bros buy and consume women’s breast milk. I’m revolted.

I was let go of my federal job last week. I spent my whole day on Saturday stoned, listening to yacht rock, and eating peanut butter straight from the jar.

I want to get hotter/fitter just to attract a hotter/fitter partner.

I am a really successful gambler and no one knows about it. They just think I have a good paycheque.

Every morning I wake up and check the news hoping that it happened.

A few weeks ago I got blackout drunk at a wedding with my very young kids and husband and now I feel the worst mom guilt for having my kids see that side of me.

I can’t stop thinking about the guy (yes, we all know it’s a guy) who hasn’t washed his sheets for a year. Please, phone a friend and go buy new sheets. You deserve clean sheets.

May be masturbating too much… had a sex dream about my vibrator.

I went home with a 50 year old widow and showed her a very mediocre time.

DoorDashing a s’mores Blizzard from Dairy Queen was the highlight of my weekend. God I need friends.

I hate cleaning the bathroom floor. I'll use my dirty socks and shove them around the edges with my toes before a shower then just throw them in the wash.

Just came off a long-weekend golf bender with the boys and now I’m at the airport at 7:00pm highly regretting not taking the early flight.

My daughter left her toothbrush at a friend’s house, so she grabbed a spare out of the vanity drawer and before I could say anything, she started brushing her teeth. It was the dog’s toothbrush. That I just used on the dog the other day. I didn’t stop her. I just slowly walked away.

I secretly want to go to a Chris Brown concert but I know my friends would judge me.

I floss regularly, but I brush my teeth maybe 10 times a year. I've never had a cavity.

Got drunk for the first time in 9 years on Friday night. Let’s just say the entirety of Saturday was spent in an emergency dental room as I paid $5K to not look like Stu from the hangover.

I love dressing up like a douchebag and going out to dinner in the most bougie part of town. Being rich is so tight.

I have a lot of friends, but I don’t have a friend.

Sometimes cleaning the earwax from my ears feels better than an orgasm.

Trying to be a better person but I'm so judgemental when I think someone has bad taste in clothing.

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