Sunday Confessions: 2-9-25

"I fell down the stairs at work. Everyone knows."

Welcome to Sunday Confessions. Each Sunday through Sunday Scaries Instagram stories, readers submit their totally-anonymous confessions. Because sometime it just feels good to get off your chest.

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I’ve been listening to the soundtrack for Industry all morning while going through yesterday’s confessions and this may become my daily routine until I begin to hate it. Hearing Eric Tao scream, “I go to BED with that number” over some synth got me more fired up than it should’ve.

Here are this week’s confessions.

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I found out my ex is sleeping with one of my married coworkers, I have been blasting it to everyone at work.

I can’t enjoy a drink since the surgeon general recommended adding a cancer warning label even though I already knew about cancer risk.

Did so much foreplay to him that he barely lasted 3 minutes…and I liked it? Felt good to be in control.

I just found out another ex has gotten married to the girl they dated right after me. I'm 5/5, and think it's why I've stopped dating.

Went out with a new guy. Woke up with my neck covered in hickeys. Whatever you’re picturing it’s worse. Next two weeks: ruined.

Therapist told me I’m looking so healthy. Must be all the coping strategies we’ve practiced. Didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the Ozempic.

Took molly with my bf in the woods. We picked out our first dance song.

The novel I am writing is so transparent and honest that there is no way it won’t create a schism between me and my family.

I am weirdly attracted to the Beast in the live action Beauty and the Beast.

Editor’s Note: I know this has been submitted before but it has been submitted NUMEROUS times. I’m shocked at how much pull Beast has.

As an engineer I’m supposed to be good at math but sometimes I use a calculator for basic math, like 0.5 x 2.

went to the sexual health clinic and was tested by a guy i hooked up with last week.

sometimes I read my dad’s text messages between him and his situationship without him knowing. I know it’s wrong and I should stop, but I just can’t.

My boyfriend of a year is deploying soon. I’m a fucking mess. I see therapy in my future.

I use chat gpt as my therapist.

I only go to the gym because I hope I run into you.

drank too much red wine after drinking margaritas and vomited in the bathtub

My dog peed in petco and I was too embarrassed to get help for it and just left.

I teach math… when a jerkoff kid does too well on a test, I have changed some of their answers to negative so I can mark it wrong.

People always tell me how in shape I am and compliment my dedication to the gym. I never correct them but it’s all genetic.

Broke no contact with my situationship (I was ovulating)

I have an embarrassing girl crush on my SIL. She's just so cool and successful.

I tell people I have plans and stay at home and smoke weed and eat all day. It’s wonderful.

I got unbelievably horny listening to Netflix’s romcom playlist on my way to work last Monday.

I’m ordering a side from chilis and putting it in my own dish for the super bowl party so my friends think i made something.

I want to start writing smut.

I have found myself on multiple occasions randomly blurting out “fat juicy and wet” while I’m by my lonesome.

The people that say they are go on a ski trip but don’t actually ski annoy the crap out of me. Stop posting pics of you in your moonboots and get over yourself.

I genuinely enjoy the taste of liquid NyQuil. It’s been one of the very few joys of the past week of me having the flu.

Every time you (yes, you) talk about your sports betting, I die a little inside.

I like my pasta criminally underdone. A couple minutes shy of al dente.

I ripped the Trump sticker off of an illegally parked Jeep the other day.

Stole 3 bottles of soap and an umbrella from an open supply closet I stumbled on while staying at a Ritz this weekend.

When I see pictures from a wedding in which the groom wears sneakers with his tux I root for divorce

I still have my Christmas tree up.

I sat and ate Taco Bell in the parking lot for an hour last night just hoping a guy would text me to meet up.

I went out with my ex’s coworker for 4 months. I think the thrill of my ex finding out was more exciting than my feelings for the other person.

I don’t trim the wicks on my scented candles.

Watched My Old Ass and cried. I’m closer to 39 than to 18, and there are so many things I wish I had done differently in my 20s.

Editor’s Note: Same.

My greatest fantasy is quitting my job; and reminding myself being me is more important than making money

I opened my Instagram search page in front of my boyfriend: all engagement ring content. Quickly closed out!

Re-watching Harry Potter and I fear I’d let Voldemort ruin me.

I took myself out for dinner and befriended a lovely older couple. I didn't tell them one true thing about me.

I just bought a Tesla. Love the car, hate the guy.

Whenever I see girls confused / complaining that their friend(s) dropped them, I can’t help but think they were probably the problem— and I’m glad they got dropped.

I’m basically a day away from selling a kidney to keep funding my lifestyle and no one knows it.

My husband doesn’t know I’ve been arrested for shoplifting.

Fuck you Lauren.

I'm a 53-year-old man and reading the Confessional is one of the first things I do every Monday morning. I love living vicariously through you all.

I fell down the stairs at work. Everyone knows.

My friend threw a ham party…it rocked and a French guy asked for my number.

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