Sunday Confessions: 10-27-24

"I put the fluffier, better pillows on my side when I make the bed."

“Always take the early flight” is a running idea that I’ve done since I met my wife (who clearly likes taking the early flight). Yesterday, I woke up at 4:15 a.m. after a New York trip and was home at 10 a.m. sharp. While most people think it’s insane, it still just feels so good to get home at a normal hour and have a normal day before going back to work. I’m sorry, but I refuse to look at it negatively despite how much I hated myself at 4:15 a.m. yesterday morning.

A pretty weak confession from me this week, but a confession nonetheless. Here are everyone else’s from this week.

---

I broke my finger and I’m loving the attention I’m getting from it.

I fell in love with someone and told them when I realized, and then they bowed out. Like, immediately.

Girlfriend broke up with me, and then her married best friend started sexting me.

I make myself sick watching people eat, especially at buffets. Why all the nasty licking of fingers that just touched all the serving utensils?

Tell Me Lies is resurrecting so much personal trauma. Realizing life isn’t far off from tv drama.

I’m slowly realizing that I don’t want to have kids and I’m completely okay with this.

I listen to my ex’s online sermons to fall asleep at night.

My best friend of 8 years ghosted me earlier this year and it still hurts every single day. I miss them dearly.

Keith Morrison's voice turns me on.

I’m a fresh 26 year old lawyer who is sleeping with a prosecutor, a criminal defense attorney and a judges law clerk who all work in the same court system… I met them all when I was an intern and they are all in their late 30s / early 40s.

I see people wearing Crocs without socks, and it grosses me out. I can only imagine how bad their feet smell.

All the bridesmaids would sneak off to talk shit about the maid of honor at bachelorette party this weekend. Multiple times, every single day.

I sneak vape puffs. I’m an old married mother of 3.

I met a guy last night that has it ALL. Checks all the boxes but when we kissed our first kiss, he couldn't kiss. AT ALL. I was stabbed in the mouth with his tongue. Can that be fixed? Asking the audience.

I’m still daydreaming about Jeremy Allen White’s Calvin Klein debut.

In the midst of moving I missed the date to request an absentee mail in ballot and live too far to make it home so I won’t be voting in this election. I feel extremely guilty about it.

Joined my city’s fanciest gym and now relish in taking luxurious showers when there’s a long queue.

Attended my best friend’s wedding and kind of hate them now. Put in so much time, effort and support just to be repeatedly slapped in the face by them.

I regularly fantasize about having a threesome with my partner and his twin brother.

My best friend’s boyfriend asked me to help pick out a ring for her and it’s killing me inside to do it because I don’t think he’s good enough for her.

Ladies in the office decided our Halloween theme is Oktoberfest. I work for an optometrist. How am I supposed to dress as a beer wench and talk about ocular disease? Hate it here.

people think my birthday was friday but it’s not till tuesday and i’m not correcting anyone because i’m loving all the attention.

Everyone thinks I’m a senior in college and I’ve got no idea how I’m even gonna graduate at all.

No one uses Pinterest the way I use it. Everyone else is a poser.

I’ve never been to Costco, Whole Foods, or Trader Joe’s.

I’m a school nurse and sometimes I vape in my office when no one’s around.

actually threw up because i caught my boyfriend browsing engagement rings and now i don’t know what to think of that kind of visceral reaction.

I will never understand how Halloween is anyone’s favorite holiday — so much money spent on costumes you’ll probably only wear once & overpriced drinks / covers at bars.

I would rather read smut and use my vibrator than have sex with my husband currently.

So tired of being The Poor Friend. I know it won't be this way forever, but right now am just broke, busted, and disgusted.

I definitely still pick my nose. I’m 30 years old.

Three of my closest friends have become MAGA people and it’s really hard to continue being friends with them.

I voted for Donald Trump but have been telling my liberal friends I voted for Kamala lol.

I’m the earring-post-as-a-toothpick person and I didn’t realize the disgust I would receive.

My husband, my two kids, and myself all have lice. I want to burn our house down.

I may be the only 65 year old woman who lives for your weekly confessions drop.

Sleep with a stuffed animal every night. I’m 34.

Tried to be a ‘healthy adult’ on Saturday night. Ended up with a pint of ice cream, binge-watching shows until 3 a.m., and convincing myself this is exactly what self-care looks like. Yeah, totally nailed it.

I've gotten hotter as I've gotten closer to 40 and as someone who never really dated, I am LOVING this new attention from men.

I've been stoned most of my waking hours for too many Sundays in a row.

I put the fluffier, better pillows on my side when I make the bed.

Lost my wallet and made out with a 22 year old last night at the bar. Im 32.

Still thinking about my sexual encounters with an ex lover from college. He lives in France and has 2 kids.

I can’t stand it when people don’t take the tag off their coat sleeve. It bothers me more than it should.

We eloped this weekend and I cannot say this loudly enough: if you're considering doing it, DO IT!

I never put my phone in airplane mode when I fly.

I asked this guy if I was a good kisser. He said "eh" and then I continued to make out with him. Sober me is very embarrassed.

I am so fucking terrified for next Tuesday.

I spilled my coffee all over my friends beige couch and blamed it on her brand new puppy.

I’m already looking forward to my nighttime shower and skin routine and it’s not even 6:30am.

---