The Best Attributes of Five "It" Body Washes

Eucalyptus, and Hinoki, and Geranium — oh my!

Jul 13, 2023

The first luxury shower product I ever purchased myself was a pine-scented body wash from Philip B. called Nordic Wood. I had an employee discount and 19-year-old me had no idea the ripple effects that would stem from this one singular experience.

I hadn’t just ousted the Suave from my shower (you know, temporarily). I had taken the first step on a path of purchasing (and normalizing) luxury bath items that I had no business buying. Over the next 17 years (fucking hated typing that), I’ve done just that.

Someone mentions a high-end body wash at a group dinner? I take note. I see a tiny little bottle of body wash at a nice hotel? Consider that shower my laboratory for the weekend while I lather up. I get to toss a free sample in my online order? Hey Aesop, let’s ride.

I’m no expert in the beauty space, but I can definitely claim to be an “annoyingly particular shopper” — my wife’s words, not mine. And so yeah, I feel pretty qualified to speak on body washes at this point in my life.

While I don’t work in STEM, below is the controlled environment I’ve tested all these body washes in:

Location: The steam shower in my condo. No essential oils in the steam during tests.
Application: via loofah. I know, I know. And no, I do not care.
Tests: I used each of these bottles numerous times, some of them to completion. Others, however, were too expensive to justify using in such a short period of time.
Time of Day: Pre-bedtime, post-dinner shower. I probably did not work out that day.

Most Skin-Friendly: Grown Alchemist Body Cleanser ($30)

If I were being questioned in a court of law about Grown Alchemist’s body cleanser, I’d probably say something to the effect of, “You know, I just wish I loved this body wash more than I did.”

My main issue? It doesn’t… foam well? Like, hardly at all sometimes? Even if I do three pumps? A truly devastating revelation. But that’s probably because they don’t put a bunch of unnecessary shit in it. From their website:

A natural body wash that cleanses and balances without stripping or drying out the skin while antioxidants help protect skin from environmental aggressors and future skin damage. Wash away your worries and leave skin looking smooth, healthy and revitalized.

They even list “Essential Fatty Acids found in Rosehip that contain Lipids and Proteins that noticeably soften skin” in their ingredients list, so yeah, they’re not fucking around.

But with that being said, there was still something I loved about it. The scent was fragrant enough but not punching me in the face. It left my skin feeling moisturized more than some of the other soaps on this list. The bottle is borderline the most aesthetically pleasing bottle on here as well.

Most Unique: Le Labo Hinoki Shower Gel ($34)

“Hinoki” was one of those things that when someone first said it to me, I nodded along and pretended to know what it was until I could get home and Google it. Here’s what PopSugar has to say about it:

The smell of hinoki is sort of otherworldly; it evokes a sense of deep calm, like when walking through a crisp fragrant forest. It's often associated with relaxation and meditation, and is rich, woodsy, and smooth without being overpowering. It's definitely a unisex fragrance — not too floral or citrusy, and not too spicy or musky. It skews a bit piney but is decidedly gender neutral.

And yes, it clicked.

Le Labo has a proven history of putting out high-end scents in products you can stand behind. My love affair with them began with some beard oil they sent me after we flirted on Instagram. Ever since, I’ve not hesitated to pop into their retail stores or re-up my favorite products online.

While I wish this particular body wash came in a larger bottle (only about 8.5 ounces), using it sparingly wasn’t the worst move given the price. Would purchase again, but you won’t find it in my shower year-round.

Most Unnecessarily Bougie: Aesop Geranium Leaf Body Cleanser ($49)

Aesop has become a meme. It’s become normalized to take your overpriced bottle of Aesop hand soap and refill it with a less expensive scented hand soap, and we have people like Nolita Dirtbag and Dewy Dudes to thank for this. Of course, the Sunday Scaries Instagram account could have some metaphorical blood on its hands as well.

Historically, I’ve only bought Aesop in the past to see what the hype is all about. While I do understand the hype, I also haven’t fallen head-over-heels for the original “it” soap company.

For being a $50 body wash, I don’t leave my showers feeling anything like Thomas Crown. And that’s a huge problem.

Best Value: Necessaire The Body Wash Eucalyptus ($25)

Why does eucalyptus hit harder than any other spa scent? Like if you ranked spa scents (which is now a column that’s officially my intellectual property), it’s a “there’s eucalyptus and then there’s everything else” situation. And honestly, Necessaire crushes their eucalyptus products.

On a recent episode of Scaries, I was asked for an “underrated brand” that I’ve been consuming as of late. It only took a few moments of pondering before I came up with the brand whose body wash I pump out nearly every single morning.

While it’s by no means a bargain body wash, I do truly believe you get more bang for your buck than you do with other luxury body washes. The lather, the scent, the packaging — chef’s kiss.

Best Overall: Sangre de Fruta Botanical Body Wash ($60)

“It can’t taste that much better,” I said. I had never had anything that expensive to drink before. But when she handed me a flute of it, I soon saw why people fell in love with it.

No, I’m not talking about body wash right now. I’m talking about Dom Perignon. I’m no sommelier (and am not proud of my palate overall), but I could at least appreciate why it commanded a price higher than Cook’s.

And that’s exactly how I felt when I tried Sangre de Fruta’s body wash for the first time. As my shower filled with essential oils and steam, I soon realized what I had in front of me.

The lather, the scent, the feel on my skin — it all added up to a sensory experience that I had never fathomed prior. And for $60 per bottle, I also had the realization that it better surpass my expectations.

Today, it sits in the very corner of our steam shower reserved only for special occasions — date nights, black tie weddings, brutal hangovers where nothing but feeling faux-bougie will show me the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m just hoping the next bottle I get of it will be gifted to me. Much like that flute of Dom.