Sunday Confessions: 7-5-26

"I have the biggest, most platonic crush on Erling Haaland."

Welcome to Sunday Confessions. Each Sunday through Sunday Scaries Instagram stories, readers submit their totally-anonymous confessions. Because sometimes it just feels good to get off your chest.

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I have a fear. That fear is that we’ve finally reached “fake hygenic confessions” status on Sunday Confessions. It could be that I normally post some so it’s an easy route to get published. It could also be that people just feel more comfortable submitting this stuff because I post it. But this is your warning: I’m on high alert.

Anyway, here are this week’s confessions.

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Saw my therapist on the apps and I’m ashamed the pics and prompts she chose.

I’m always super suspicious when things in life start going well like they are right now. It’s like, when’s reality going to correct itself?

It’s so hot in Europe now. To survive, I’ve been melting ice cubes on my vagina while I lay in bed.

I’m fully convinced that writing smutty fanfics is the only thing getting me through the horrors of this world.

After turning 35, drinking has made the next day insufferable. So I did a sober family vacation and I fear I was insufferable.

I was so overstimulated at my 4th of July party that at one point I told my husband, “Well I’m done going inside for the night.” I stayed outside the entire time until everyone left.

I’ve had a broken molar since December and can’t bring myself to get it fixed.

Around my birthday and other holidays, I frequently check my husband’s credit card purchases to see if he’s bought me a present yet.

Today I cleaned for the for the first time in two months.

If I hear one more piece of news about the Tayvis wedding, I am going to light myself on fire like that monk on the Rage Against the Machine album.

I’ve decided to start reading instead of doomscrolling and it’s not only helped my mental health but it’s also given me a superiority complex.

I bought a Korean skincare sunscreen stick to be proactive for sunburns on my face for the Fourth. Just did one streak across my forehead so now my eyebrows and crown are burned. It looks like I have a landing strip on my forehead.

My boyfriend cries more often than I do.

I feel like my close friendships are fading as time goes by and it hurts me everyday. Developing new friendships are a struggles at my age (33M) and I’m scared.

I reactivate my Hinge when I’m bored so I can reject men that like my profile.

In an effort to get my husband to help more I’ve started referring to tasks I don’t want to do as “boy jobs.” For example, taking out the trash is a “boy job.” Setting up the beach tent, “boy job.” And it’s actually helped.

I wish Love Island came on earlier cause I always fall asleep during it.

Realized that I am unhappy because I have no hobbies. How do I get into a new hobby at 33?

I enjoy disagreeing with everything my MIL says/wants to do. It’s toxic and very ADHD of me but I can’t stop.

I don’t even smoke and I smoked an entire pack of Newports yesterday. I feel like I took 10 years off my life this morning.

My husband’s family has cliques and sometimes I get upset we don’t get invited and then I think we’re above them anyway.

I don’t want to get married anymore.

watched titanic the other night after a hard day bc they had a worse time of it than i did.

I like the way my panties smell after a day of work and sweating. I can’t stop smelling them.

I spent the 4th in a hotel room in Malibu solo. Eating room service. Didn’t see one firework. Loved it.

My sister in law is pregnant and we are not supposed to know but we do and I’m a terrible actress so I’m living in fear of her telling us and me not looking surprised enough and ruining it for her.

My coworker told me that me and another coworker looked cute together and asked if we were dating, I said, “No.” She proceeded to fuck him. I did actually like him.

I put a picture of Tom Holland on my fridge and seeing it every morning makes my day better.

as a man in finance with a secret trust fund, i’m really not happy.

I have an inflated sense of self in that I think most men I interact with are attracted to me — colleagues, friends, strangers, people from my past — they would definitely hook up if given the chance. Clearly need to do some work on myself and figure out why this is and why I’m so delusional but also love the validation when men do in fact check me out.

I’m having the most toxic midlife crisis. Just wanting to move to a remote little town and tell no one.

I had my first one night stand, with a British guy who is in town for the World Cup… it sucked.

My best friend of 20 years just confessed he’s fallen in love with me and I’m afraid that I might feel the same. I’m terrified to risk losing what we have if things go poorly.

After I workout, I skip showering for a few hours because I enjoy the smell.

I fear I’ll never be as attracted to a man in real life as I am to Bill Pullman as the President in Independence Day.

I judge people who buy bottled iced coffee from the grocery store. That is not coffee. That is a drink.

I never put my phone on airplane mode when I’m on a flight.

I’m just tired. I’m not hungover but maybe a little nauseous?

I desperately want to hook up with him. And her. Maybe together.

I regularly put my lip stain under my eyes to make it look like I’m working harder than I really am.

I am so sick of my job I dream about the day I quit and wonder if I’ll ever talk to any of my coworkers again after I leave. One thinks she’s my best friend.

My husband loves Kill Tony and it’s the biggest turn off.

Had phone sex for the first time Thursday night with my crush while I was home for the holiday weekend. Something dark in me has been unleashed, part of me isn’t sure how to feel, another part loved it.

I strategically hooked up with someone this weekend because he had really good AC and I don’t.

My ex lived in a tiny home when we first started dating. He didn’t have a toilet, just a urinal and a bucket with sawdust. He made me pee outside—rain, shine, or snow. I was with him for 5 years.

Experiencing a new phenomena of reverse hangxiety. Only had one drink on Saturday. I regret not getting after it.

I cut things off with my situationship and I only cried because he’s a real eater. Hard to find these days.

I’m embarrassed walking or driving in public with a sweet drink. Like, it’s no one’s business what I eat or drink.

Love life so bleak I’m legitimately considering paying for a matchmaker service.

I have the biggest, most platonic crush on Erling Haaland.

So I’m visiting a friend out of town. She is completely different outside of work. I believe she is actually crazy. I literally can’t wait to go home and never talk to her again.

I know it’s completely inappropriate, but my male therapist invited me over to his house, and I want to accept. He’s a great therapist and something tells me therapy isn’t the only thing he’s great at.

I like typing horrible things in this box and then deleting them just in case.

Fell in love on vacation, life is beautiful again.

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