Sunday Confessions: 12-8-24

"I just want to marry rich."

Something changed after the holidays began that made submitters become absolutely feral. I’m not complaining because we’re finally getting fewer confessions about people cheating on their partners, but maybe don’t read this week’s confessions around your coworkers.

I wish I had a better anecdote than that this week, but credit where credit is due.

Here are this week’s confessions.

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I saw my married coworker smack our married boss’ butt at our company holiday party. She didn’t think anyone saw it, but I did and now I think they’re having an affair.

I really need to stop throwing the occasional 20 bucks away for some OF subscription when I’m horny.

I think our dog is far more cute and handsome than all our friends and family’s dogs.

Whoever came up with the term “in sickness and in health” had never heard my wife cough before.

At the start of the pandemic I panic-bought a box of 40 “with sympathy” cards on Amazon. I’ve never told anyone this.

I went over our bathroom renovation budget by $6,250. My husband is gonna lose his mind.

Drunkenly slept with a guy friend who is in love with me. Feel bad, as I don’t feel that way.

Sometimes I pick my boogers while I’m walking through my apt complex hallways and put them on the walls. I’m 32.

My well-off friend is so needlessly cheap it kills the vibe every time we hang. They immediately Venmo request everyone to the cent in an otherwise “I’ll get the next round” friend group.

I can’t stop reading the dirty text exchanges between my daughter and her boyfriend.

I want my coworker to sit on my face for 8 hours.

Currently sitting in first class (for the first time) and I do in fact feel superior to everyone on this flight.

There has been an insane amount of tension between me and a guy that lives down the hall from me. I know I shouldn’t get involved with him because he’s in the friend group but I want him so bad.

My first night Friday off in months I told friends I couldn’t hang out so I could watch movies, get high and do a face mask in peace.

I found my wife’s gift stash and saw what I’m getting for Christmas.

Eras Tour finale is tonight and I fear my life has no purpose anymore.

I don’t get Taylor Swift. The eras, the bracelets, none of it.

Every time someone leaves my desk after pissing me off, I stare into the nearest camera, like I'm on The Office, and flip them off.

I daydream about marrying last week’s trust fund confessor so we can both pretend to work from home.

Unknowingly took another person’s parking spot at the supermarket and they were devastated. Stood still for a very long time. Still feel bad about it.

I wish weed didn’t make me so paranoid. I miss the trash weed from my formative years.

I think one of my friends is flirting with me. We've joked about getting together but aren't. Very When Harry Met Sally and it's torture.

I have an unhealthy obsession with Timothee Chalamet.

Does anyone else get horny as fuck at the grocery store?

I judge adults who don’t like coffee.

My sex drive is almost non-existent, but I was horny enough to masturbate last night next to my sleeping husband. The thought of getting caught really made it hot.

Husband doesn’t know I discovered his office romance, and I don’t know how to behave when I meet her at his company holiday party.

I hate my husbands outdoor Christmas light display but I don’t have the heart to tell him after all his heard work with outdoor illumination.

I’m 29 and made out with a 60 year old man last night. He is very rich and offered to let me use his cold plunge spa membership. I feel like I was born to be a sugar baby.

Considering breaking up with boyfriend because he has a gag reflex.

Just went back to work after baby. I’m pretending to be breastfeeding so I can get unlimited untimed breaks whenever I want for the next 2 years.

I think we’re booking a hotel tomorrow to try some butt stuff.

I look way better than an ex’s current. And I LOVE it.

I have a hard time respecting anyone whose Spotify Wrapped #1 artist was Taylor Swift.

Got so drunk at work holiday party that I couldn’t find the app on my phone to open the door to my building. Stared at my phone for 5 mins, peed my pants, then a DoorDasher came and let me in… and then he asked me on a date in the elevator.

I spent all weekend rewatching the sex scenes from Bridgerton.

I can’t stop thinking about a now-taken old flame who liked my thirst trap on Instagram.

I act like I love being an independent single woman, but I just want to marry rich.

All I want for Christmas is to be dicked down.

Started my period in yoga this morning.

One of my friends from my 20s never got married. I wonder if he’s the genius in life for not bothering to settle down. Most days, I think he’s winning.

The older I get I realize that the majority of people are phonies and no one knows what they’re doing.

I am more upset about breaking up with my best friend than I was ending my engagement.

Hooking up with my ex from 11 yrs ago. Best sex ever.

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