Sunday Confessions: 12-15-24

"I’m not over my ex even though he hates Santal 33 and he’s a Gemini."

Whenever I feel out of sorts, I simply search, “Is mercury in retrograde?” even though I don’t actually believe in that stuff. But when I just did the search and found out that it was until today, I’ve now simply piled all the anxieties I’ve had into that basket despite still feeling them today. Healthy? Maybe. But probably not.

Anyway, here are this week’s confessions.

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Christmas lights are the only thing that keep the depression away at Christmas time.

Got a new puppy a week ago, have been working from home with her, can’t fight the feeling that my husband isn’t picking up enough of the housework to help me out.

I support my girlfriends smoking habit because I’m obsessed with kissing her after a ciggy.

I’m so tired of keeping up with the Joneses. The endless cycle of comparison, the pressure to have more, do more, be more—it’s exhausting. Social media doesn’t help, with its highlight reels of vacations, new cars, perfect homes, and curated lives. It’s like we’re all stuck in this unspoken competition, racing toward a finish line that doesn’t even exist.

The new trend of casually using the word “yap” is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

I’m single, never married. I need financial stability and would seriously consider marrying for money at this point. I can’t work this much forever.

I’m a woman in my 30s. I’ve been driving a stick since I was 16. I tell people it’s because it handles better in the harsh midwestern winters but that’s BS. I do it to impress guys.

I’m going out with two guys at the same time.

I’m 23 and haven’t dated of kissed a guy in over 5 years. I feel like such a loser.

I just came out as bi and I can't wait to explore my expanded dating options now that I finally admitted to myself that I'm interested in all kinds of people.

My coworker told me my pantsuit at my wedding instead of a dress was “a little too lesbian.” I resigned.

I (female, 47) have been hooking up with a former student (male, 30) 17 years my junior. We are both divorced and it’s the first time I’ve ever been in a FWB situation in my life. He has helped me see myself in a completely different light that my 18 year marriage never could.

I tell people I’m spending Christmas Day with friends so they don’t fuss or feel sorry for me but I’m spending the day alone.

Officially signed a 3-month lease abroad next year for a self appointed sabbatical. Can’t wait to quit my job.

A guy offered 80 dollars to film me eating a cupcake.

I am so envious of women who have a career and aren’t financially dependent on their spouse.

I think I gave my coworkers diarrhea.

I read all the Harry Potter books out loud to my dog because I wanted her to experience the same magic I did in my childhood.

My SIL always makes comments about how expensive my purses and shoes are so I bought her a YSL clutch for Christmas knowing she won’t get me anything to make her feel like an asshole in front of everyone.

I walk a block away to a public trash can to throw away the evidence of my McDonald’s Diet Cokes before going home so my Almond Boyfriend doesn’t know the extent of my habit.

A man I met online just sent me $200 worth of lingerie and I don’t know if I should meet him or not.

I can’t stand my best friend’s new husband and she knows me too well that I can’t mask anymore. Trying to sweat it out until she leaves him. His company insufferable, cringy and embarrassing; the kind of behavior where you can’t make eye contact with anyone there because you’re all so mortified and dumbfounded.

Flirty banter with my coworker going on 4 months now and I just wanna sleep with him so we break the tension and move on.

If I have to watch one more influencer baking bread on their story I’m gonna puke.

It’s to the point I’m literally posting thirst traps to get attention from my crush on my Instagram story. And while that’s totally pathetic, I get so sad when he doesn’t bite.

Blacked out at the office Christmas party. No memory of what happened and I’ve only been there 3 months, I’ve been having panic attacks all weekend.

As someone who’s always focused on their health, my toxic trait is getting high off edibles every other weekend, masturbating until there’s no tomorrow and ordering junk food which I’d eat like a pig watching some ridiculous show.

I’ve been talking to a guy for a while and he never asked me my age. I don’t think he realizes I’m 11 years older than him.

asked the "what are we?" question this morning, he replied "lovers." I nodded and thought - but the sex isn't good enough to call us that.

I like the smell of my dog's toots. There's something comforting about it. Would never admit this anywhere else.

After Sunday mass, I met up with my situationship to have sex in his car at the YMCA parking lot.

I keep waiting to fall out of love with him and it hasn’t happened yet. I’m always hoping he confesses something about me here.

My husband gets so mean and irritable on Sundays and makes me not want to be around him at all. Sunday Scaries for sure.

three people. one night. my ex’s best friend and his girlfriend. enough said.

Volunteered to fold a load when I was positive it was only a towels load. It was a toddler and infant load. I almost just walked out of my life then and there.

Plucking out my entire nostrils of every hair when I am too drunk to feel it is my most prized life hack.

I had such a shitty boss who was not only useless but also didn’t give me a bonus despite my performance last year. Instead of quitting, I played the long game. Figured out ways to show they were not working and then shared some metrics with the VP. It took a few months of politicking but I did it. My boss got fired last week and I had to pretend to feel sorry for them. It was glorious.

Can’t break up with him yet, he has season tickets to the Lions.

I want to go back to the ER because there was a really cute lab tech.

I have never liked any of the gifts my MIL has ever given to me and I think this Christmas will be no exception.

I’m not over my ex even though he hates Santal 33 and he’s a Gemini.

I just discovered how ladies use a showerhead for pleasure. It was magical.

I use AI to write my clinical notes.

Blacked out and called a one-night stand, ten times.

My friend has a wedding in January and she can’t get married fast enough. She’s an attention whore and I’m so over it. It’s been a long 13 months.

I told my boyfriend to jack off before we had sex so he would last longer.

I’ve never farted in front of my husband. If I let one slip, I blame the dogs on the smell.

Told my friend I skipped Gal-mas because I needed to holiday shop, but really I just can’t stand any of them anymore.

I planned an entire party for this guy I like… and he didn’t even show up.

I drank too much at the family Christmas party, vomited in my mother-in-law’s dishwasher, and sat silent this morning while everyone blamed my brother-in-law.

Used the full moon as an excuse to text my ex in the middle of the night.

I think my coworker's a lesbian and I wanna help her figure that out. ASAP.

Often dream about being one of those thin, delicate girls who look cute in everything.

I love cleaning my belly button with a q-tip. And sometimes I give it a little sniff after.

I don’t think my boyfriend actually loves me; I think he just likes having someone provide for and take care of him.

I told my girl friends I was sick to avoid going out because I wasn’t feeling it. I ended up getting sick the next day. Next time I’ll just say no.

I broke up with my bf but regretted it a week later. He is ignoring all my texts. Smart on his part, but now I wish I could go back.

He finally posted a picture with the girl he is dating. I couldn't help but think how much better it would have looked with me in it.

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