Retail Therapy 014: The Hamptons & Signature Scents
"You a Below Deck guy?"
Listen to today’s Retail Therapy on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube (see above), and anywhere else podcasts are found.
We’ve hit our mid-summer stride over here at Retail Therapy, which means we needed to talk about The Hamptons, scents that remind us of people’s Instagram stories from Italy, and a lot more. Let’s dive right in.
People are doing what to make their Hamptons treks easier?
Barrett and I both admitted that we’ve never been to The Hamptons and it shows. In our minds, it’s just rich dudes singing in cover bands at coastal bars (see: The Winklevoss Twins) and houses we can’t afford. But as it turns out, it’s more just the surgery to get there that we can’t afford.
While I can’t imagine this is common practice, Paper Magazine explains the bizarre procedure some people are getting to avoid rest stops on their way to their vacation homes.
Celebrity urologist — what a title — Dr. David Shusterman has been doing two medical procedures, one that reduces the size of the prostate and "bladder Botox," both of which reduce the number of bathroom breaks his patients take. His biggest clients? Rich people who have a hard time holding it on their way to their summer homes in the Hamptons.
"Hamptons bladder" has been coined to describe the condition of having an overflowing bladder while traveling to the Hamptons from New York, a commute where traffic is aplenty and places to stop and pee are not.
Though the procedures could be useful to a wide variety of folks — music festival-goers, people who break the seal after one drink, etc. — sufferers of "Hamptons bladder" have been the doctor's primary clients so far. In other words, he likes his bladders smaller and wallets big.
I’m bladder privileged, so hopefully I can punt this surgery until I actually need it.
Vabbing & Signature Scents
A lot of guys these days are hesitant to slather on any sort of scent. We’re told not to overdo it, they seem overly expensive, and it’s just generally been considered old hat to a lot of people growing up in our generation.
There is a cheaper alternative out there, however, per The Cut:
The latest: vabbing — a jarring portmanteau of “vagina” and “dabbing.”
A practice that Madame Goop is probably jealous she didn’t come up with first, vabbing promotes the use of vaginal fluids as perfume. Apparently, pheromones in the body’s secretions are alleged to attract throngs of potential partners, especially when worn externally.
…
Vabbing first made waves on a November 2018 episode of the Secret Keepers Club podcast, hosted by comedians Carly Aquilino and Emma Willmann. A previous episode’s tale about a friend who used his (heavy sigh) ball sweat as cologne inspired an intrigued listener to produce her own farm-to-table perfume after she “double-tapped the puss.” The experiment produced overwhelmingly positive results, and the listener turned all of her friends onto the practice, which they dubbed “vabbing.”
While we’d prefer to stick to our signature Acqua di Parma and Tom Ford scents, having a less expensive alternative always feels reassuring. I’m just not sure if this is in the cards for us though.
The Totes Are Rebelling
In our last episode of Retail Therapy, we discussed a rising Instagram account called ‘Ironic Boat and Tote’ that features people misusing LL Bean’s tote customization tool. And while we’re still loving the account, it may be growing faster than the original creator bargained for — because she does not care about what totes you’re ordering these days.
Deep down, though, I think what this account needed was more edge.
As always, we closed things out with our wishlists and imminent cops.
Apologies for any broken links below — a lot of these products are now from older seasons or have since sold out, so our link situation will remain in flux.
Will’s Wishlist
Noah x Baracuta Corduroy Patchwork Tote — Removed as of 7/6/22
Vintage Side Tables
Barrett’s Wishlist
To listen to this week’s episode of Retail Therapy in its entirety, look no further than Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Feedback? Compliments? Comments? Concerns? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this week’s episode.